We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
