Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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