she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
