based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
