Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
