then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
