The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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