YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
