i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
try to milk me bitch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
