That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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