I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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