hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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