just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
