You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
