Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
