You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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