the condom got lost in my hair
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
