i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found the puke drawer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
