I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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