I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
