no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
