I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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