Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You dont lie about slip and slides
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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