I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
