Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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