vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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