I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
