Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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