headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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