It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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