You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
