He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
