Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
