If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
