So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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