morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
