every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
