I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
where am i from again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
