I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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