This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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