If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
