12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
