I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
