Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
