Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
