if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
