its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
