Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
