She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
