Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
