it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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