My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
