And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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